dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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