I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
