my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Randomize
