...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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