I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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