Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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