Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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