I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
