there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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