It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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