My friends, they love my intelligence
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
