He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
