i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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