Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
