I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
