don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
