oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
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Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
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I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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