new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
