i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
