Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
