totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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