Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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