My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
