you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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