The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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