I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
