So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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