STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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