is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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