Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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