But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
