i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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