dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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