Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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