i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
