i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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