I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
