you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
