Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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