found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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