Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
