im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
