Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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