Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
