He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
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Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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