remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
