omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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