Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I hate all girls vehemently.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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