so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
