Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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