two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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