She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
