just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
