No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
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