You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize