Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
