I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
