you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize