First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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