How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
