I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
