whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Just pee around me
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
