He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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