I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
