around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He passed out mid-signature
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
