I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
