I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
