nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
