I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
