my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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